Stop making me have titles I have no idea what to write here

Trigger warning: sexual assault.

This post is late, and I'm backdating it, and you're going to be okay with that because you have no choice.

Today my school of music had a Title IX training session in the form of a presentation. The presenters focused on interpersonal violence a lot, and talked about consent and other important things.

I didn't have a breakdown. That's not how my triggers generally manifest themselves. I just couldn't breathe for a few seconds, several times over the course of 45 minutes.

I still have trouble recognizing what happened to me as assault. I still have trouble recognizing that my ex-partner was also emotionally manipulative. I feel like I have to add the caveat that their manipulation was most likely unintentional. That doesn't diminish the impact.

This line of thought invariably takes me to all the times I've been manipulative unintentionally and have been told about it, and all the times I don't know about because I wasn't told. The thing I want most in the world is to be a good person, but I'm not a good enough listener to realize when I'm hurting other people, and my ex is like this too, and I really don't want to be like them.

I've already run out of words. I'm hurting right now, and there's never a good time for that to happen, but this feels like an especially not good time, with everything I have to do.