we smile brightest before we cry

I'm trying something different this week.

our fears and insecurities
take up so much space in our brains
but we can't let them go
because what if we have to fill that space
with actual information

we hold it in because
we have no idea if anyone else
cares, relates, knows what we mean by
we smile brightest before we cry

it's easy to say we're trying
easy to apologize, say
we'll do better next time
but we don't have the tools to fix ourselves

what do you mean, you believe me?
i've been faking it this whole time
i'm just a lazy sad insecure bundle of nerves
who loves to make excuses

you're allowed to care about me,
but only to a certain extent
and not too much or too deeply
because i don't deserve unconditional
love and support and validation