Plateau

This is a very short post because I'm drained and also I posted yesterday.

Being emotionally ready for therapy, knowing you need therapy, and not having access to affordable therapy hurts.

It's one thing when you're so busy you don't have time to think. It's another during spring break, when you've chosen to stay in your apartment so you can start organizing all of your stuff, which ends up with you sleeping for 20 hours a day and being even more depressed. It's another when you have enough time on your hands that you're acutely aware of the unhealthy things your mind is doing, but you're unable to connect the dots to find healthier coping skills.

I've known I need therapy for two years. I've been ready for therapy for about six months. At this point, it doesn't look like I'll be able to start therapy for at least another six months and probably longer. The number of things that need to happen in order for me to see a therapist feels overwhelming.

I know that the way my mental illnesses manifest themselves make people worry about me. I don't know how to fix it; if I did, I would. I'm sorry.